I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
