she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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