She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
