He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
