To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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