It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
