Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
