I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
