in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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