Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
