You really coming over, don't trick.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
