I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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