Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
