no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I faked an abortion last night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
