best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
