he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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