I'm really into asian looking animals
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
