I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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