Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
