Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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