I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
