Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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