my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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