I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
