So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
