Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
