i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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