After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
