Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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