im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
