I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
