we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
