Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
