Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
