I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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