The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just pee around me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
