In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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