his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
