don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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