Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
