I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
