I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
