3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I forget how to act sober
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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