look no pants
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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