Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
