everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
being pregnant is like rehab
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
