Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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