ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
