what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
