I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
