We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
